The Friend Zone
by Mellybean23
Summary: Dumb boys go for dumb girls. Smart boys go for dumb girls. You know what the smart girls get? Cats. OC high school
1. OC form and Intro

**Fan Fiction apparently hates me because when I went to add another chapter to my story "One for the Money" it was no longer there. So, in retaliation, I've given up. Call me a quitter, but… yeah, I'm a quitter. So, new OC story!**

**So, the OC form is at the bottom of the page. Here's a quick intro to give you a general idea.**

* * *

><p>Heather shivered as she heaved another shovel full of snow over her shoulders and into the yard. It was only September, and they already had to shovel the drive way and side walk<em>.<em> She was now completely outraged at everyone that drove a hybrid. She could use a bit of Global Warming right about now.

She heaved another scoop of thickly pack sown into the yard and started on the side walk. For some reason, tons of people still walked their dogs when it was ten degrees and snowing. And they were perfectly willing to complain to the Police about anyone who hadn't shoveled their portion of the side walk.

"Hey, Heather," came a slightly muffled voice from in front of her.

She looked up to see none other than her neighbor, Stan Marsh (seemingly) grinning at her from behind the high collar of his brown jacket. His blue and red hat was pulled so far over his forehead that she could barely see his eyes. His nose and cheeks were bright pink from the cold.

"Hey," she replied, trying to seem casual and cool, "how are you?" although it must have sounded like who are you, because he suddenly looked very confused.

"Umm, I'm your neighbor, Stan. I've lived next door to you for almost ten years," he explained, confusion evident on his face

Heather giggled a bit as she pulled down the green scarf that she had wrapped around her face, "No, I said 'How are you', Stan. I happen to be well aware of the fact that you live next door, especially since you give me a ride to school every morning," Heather clarified.

Stan gave a small laugh. "Cold. Very, very cold. Oh, and school was delayed an hour, so we don't have to be there until nine," he replied

"Yeah, that would have been nicer if I hadn't already gotten up at seven to shovel the drive way," she laughed hollowly

"Hey, it's better than five thirty or six!" he pointed out

"One of the many benefits of having first period off," Heather agreed, as she pulled her scarf back over her face.

"Be over around eight thirty. The roads will be kind of nasty," Stan called after her, as they started heading back to their houses.

Heather turned around, looking hopeful, only for Stan to already be back at his front door. He walked in and closed it with out another glance.

Heather sighed. She felt like such a loser. Why did she always seem to be stuck in the Friend Zone?

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, now it's time for the OC application! <strong>

**Name:**

**Age:**

**A **_**Brief**_** Background:**

**Height:**

**General looks:**

**Outfit:**

**Personality:**

**Habits:**

**Friends:**

**Enemies:**

**Crush (put three in the order you prefer, and Stan is off limits):**

**Job:**

**Anything else:**

* * *

><p><strong>So, send them in! Good luck!<strong>


	2. Stuck

**OC list time! If you have an account, you should have gotten a PM by now. If not… well, oops! **

**Now, for the accepted OCs! **

**Tristan Andrew Johnston**

**Tyler James Johnston**

**Amanda Yvette James**

**Bonnie Marie Snyder**

**Monica Rose Ramirez **

**Andrea 'Andy' Rigby **

**Santana May Cruz**

**Louisa Stella Ekwall **

**Jordan Marie Jones**

**Taylor Else Rounds**

**Penny Eleanor Jackson**

**Arabella "Bella" Victoria Black**

**First of all, regarding the OCs, I would just like to say that I liked every single one of them. However, I could only accept the ones that I had a place for in the story. I had a story plan and all of that before the OCs were submitted, so if yours didn't make it, it's not because I didn't like them. It's because they just didn't work out with my story plan. Sorry! Some of them I mention as former seniors that are now off at college. Also, a lot of them were super similar to other OCs, so if yours was one of those, I had to go with the one that was described better! Sorry, once again!**

**But still, thank you so much to everyone who did submit one, the story couldn't work with out them!**

* * *

><p><strong>Stuck<strong>

Hamlet, by no means, was a happy play. Spoiler alert, but just about every character dies a rather gruesome death. Yeah, really happy. In Heather's opinion, if they really wanted to keep the teen depression and suicide rates down, why not have happier books?

But still, at least it wasn't King Lear.

The bell rang, and Heather threw (almost literally) her junk into her back pack as she casually reached into her coat pocket for her phone. She needed to find a ride home because the improv workshop after school in the theater was canceled, yet the Stan and the rest of the football team still had practice after school- outside. It was almost as ironic as when those people that sue doctors get hit by an ambulance, or when Christopher Reeves got super powers from drinking the blood of fetuses and Gene Hackman was the one that stopped him from taking over the world.

Her phone began buzzing as soon as she turned it on.

Mandy- Hy, do u hv a rd hm?

Heather M.- no. you can use vowels you know.

Mandy- wtevr \ tel me if u fnd 1

Heather sighed and put her phone in her pocket. This was one of those times when she wished that there was actually a high school bus for the kids that lived in town. Having to constantly catch rides was a not so fun way to meet some… interesting, to say the least, people.

_Andy has a car,_ she realized. Maybe Andy could give her a lift home. And Mandy too, for that matter.

"Hay, Andy!" she called to the short brunette in front of her

"Yeah, what's up?" was her reply

"Um, can Mandy and I catch a lift home?" Heather asked sheepishly

Andy laughed a little bit, hugged Heather, and said, "No way! You seriously think you have to ask?"

_Thank you,_ thought Heather, _thank you for Andy. She has a car and doesn't make me do all of the work when we have a History Project. But maybe, just maybe, have her hug a little less. Just a little bit less. Not that I don't appreciate it on a bad day... but yeah, the hugging has been getting a bit over bearing. So just let her stop. A little. But only a little._

Heather M.- Mandy, meet me andy's car.

Mandy- sr

Heather wasn't quite positive if Mandy meant 'sure' or 'sir', but 'sure' seemed like a much safer bet. Besides, Heather was pretty sure that Mandy knew she was a girl, and not a boy. But seriously, it wasn't that hard to put vowels in. And Heather knew for a fact that Mandy's phone had a full key board. She was just being lazy.

"Hey, have you read the third Act of Hamlet yet?" asked Andy, tearing Heather from her thoughts about the horrible affect that texting seemed to be having on society and spelling abilities.

"Um…"

"I'll take that as a no, then," laughed Andy, "But seriously, your dad's going to kill you if you don't get it done. And then Mandy, Louisa, and I will kill you for not showing up to our super fun Saturday nights," Said Andy, her voice suddenly becoming very serious.

"Wait, who exactly are we going to be killing on Saturday night?" asked Mandy, as she appeared behind her two friends.

"Heather, because we all know that her dad will make her stay home if she doesn't get at least a B in AP Lang," explained Andy, glancing over her shoulder at Mandy, who was desperately trying to stifle her giggles.

"Come on Heather, it's called Spark Notes!" she laughed

"Yeah, but that's like cheating!" protested Heather, as Andy also began to laugh.

"But seriously, Heather. What are we supposed to do on Friday nights with out you? Cheyenne's off in Los Angeles now, Damii is at college in New York, and ever since Bonnie made cheer squad she's either at a game or trying to make friends with the other cheer leaders. If you stop showing up, it'll just be us and Louisa, when she can actually make it!" exclaimed Mandy

"Um, what about Taylor and Jordan?" Heather asked, confused as to why two of their friends had been left out of their Friday night plans

"Urgh, Taylor got mad at Jordan because she said something about Kyle's ass… or, maybe it was about his hair…" Andy began

"No, I think it was about his hat" Mandy chimed in

"You know what, it doesn't matter, but now they aren't talking to each other, and I am not willing to deal with all of their stupid s- h- i- t, especially if it's over Kyle and his rather voluptuous Jew Fro," Andy declared.

Mandy started giggleing.

"You and Kyle would have the most Jewish looking babies _ever_!" she giggled through her hands.

"Okay, where did that come from? And no, we wouldn't!" Heather exclaimed

"Yeah you would. With your nose and his hair, you would have the most unfortunate children ever."

Heather self consciously touched her nose. So maybe it was a little big! Actually, no! Everyone else's noses were just too small! She was probably genetically superior to everyone with her gigantic schnoz! Some day, she would be the last person able to filter air correctly! They would come to her, begging for forgiveness and a chance to use her superior nose!

"Really? Genetic superiority?" asked Andy

"Did I say all of that out loud?" Heather whispered

"Yep!" sang Mandy

* * *

><p>Theater and debate kids at South Park High School were not known for being particularly cool or having outrageous parties on the weekends. Actually, few people in South Park had outrageous parties because parents never seemed to go out of town. But when there was a party, it was crazy! But the theater geeks, as they were not so fondly deemed, were rarely, if ever invited. So they partied on their own, typically, in groups of five to ten.<p>

Heather Milson was one of those "theater geeks", which was just a nice way of saying "A whole bunch of outcasts that found another bunch of outcasts in the theater and decided that their friendship was better than being alone".

Really, if you weren't BFFs with Wendy, Bebe, Lola, Heidi, Red, Stan, Kenny, Clyde, or Token, you didn't get invited to the actual parties in South Park. Which precisely was why Heather was sitting in Andy's basement at eleven thirty on a Friday night eating Nutella and watching "Nacho Libre" for what was probably the fifteenth time. Butters, Tweek, Louisa, Andy, Mandy, and Gary, the Mormon, were all there too. After this, they would probably play celebrity or watch Aladdin or do something else equally dorky, just like every other Friday night since freshman year.

All that had changed was who had showed up this time.

Mandy, Andy, and Louisa were the only regualr attendies. Arabella had come a lot more before she started college down in Fort Collins.

Bonnie had come almost every time, always clutching a rather beat up tape of some animated Disney Princess Classic and a bag of Jelly Beans, until, that is, she made the cheer squad in the middle of sophomore year after Lola broke her arm. After that, she had been hanging out with Bebe a lot more than she was hanging out with her other dorky friends. Not they could blame her; she probably just wanted friends on the cheerleading squad.

Taylor and Jordan had pretty much been kicked out until they stopped trying to kill each other.

Christophe was probably grounded for digging a tunnel out of his back yard or some other crazy shit like that. The guy was almost always grounded, it seemed. He was almost as bad as Butters was, except one could see why he deserved it.

Tyler and Tristan (two half closeted brothers) were at some family reunion and couldn't make it. It was a pity, too. Tyler, the younger of the two, was loud and would screech along to any Aretha Franklin song that came onto the radio. He hot glue gunned costumes for the plays and musicals because none of them could actually sew. Tristan was louder and sassier than his younger brother. He would disappear for days at a time and then come back with a ten page note of apology. His monologues were so long that he could use up all of your minutes in one phone call.

Craig was probably trying to go buy some alcohol, but they all knew that he would be extremely unsuccessful. Everyone in this stupid blip of a town knew everyone. No one would ever let him have any. Besides, none of them really drank, except for that one time when Gary wasn't there and Heather ended up in a bathtub with two parkas on her legs, shampoo and Kleenex all over her self, a pink thong (no one would admit to being its owner) on her head, and a copy of The Great Gatsby shoved into her bra.

After that interesting experiment, it was back to stupid movies (Napoleon Dynamite, Zoolander, and Austin Powers were some more favorites)

How on earth did they all end up at this point? Tweek and Craig had once been best friends with Clyde and Token way back in elementary school. Mandy and Bonnie had been super close with Bebe. Even when she had moved to South Park in elementary school, she hadn't been this much of an outcast! How was it that some of the once popular kids (like Stan, Clyde, Wendy, and Bebe) had managed to hang onto their popularity while some of their former friends (Craig, Tweek, Mandy, and herself) were sitting in a basement watching Nacho Libre for the millionth time? How had things managed to change so much in just five years?

The only people who were still friends after all the shit that went down in middle school were Stan and Kyle, and Heather had this strange feeling that Kyle would rather hang out with them sometimes, especially when Stan and Wendy were dating or in the process of breaking up.

Kenny was invited to parties for the sole purpose of providing the alcohol. He'd had some huge fight with Stan dad back in seventh grade, and things just hadn't been the same between himself and Stan since. He was mostly just Kyle's smelly friend that needed to shower, but could get you a whole lot of booze if the occasion called for it.

But even he ranked above Heather and her terribly dorky friends. Even in Debate and acting classes, they were the lowest of the low on the totem pole. They were the ones who threw themselves into every production and tried for the best grades in order to get into schools like NYU. They were the ones who sent out applications to DCPA in an effort to get in. They didn't just sit around and talk about Doctor Who and Harry Potter but bail when they didn't get the lead in the spring musical. The lived and breathed it, and were therefore, dorks. Major dorks. Even those obsessive compulsive gamers ranked above them. Hell, even CARTMAN was above them, despite the fact that everyone hated him. They were just the outcasts of the society called high school.

So there was no point in telling Stan how she felt. Not a single one because even if he did feel the same way about her, he would never- no, could never- date her: One, because Wendy was constantly coming back to him and two, because he was at the top and she was at the bottom.

So really, there was no point.

* * *

><p><strong>So, it's finally up… <strong>

**You are now all required to tell me what you think. **

**Also, if I said that I was using your OC, I am using it even if they didn't make an appearance in this chapter. They all have their little part in the circle of life… and it moves us all… through despair and hope… through faith and LOVE! **

**If you have any questions, feel free to ask!**

**Remember, reviews make me work faster! **


	3. Overheard

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and for bearing with me while I got everything in the story situated. Updates should (hopefully) be pretty consistent from now on! Expect one every one to two weeks or so (sorry, but grades come first!). **

**Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Overheard<strong>

First period gym was a good way to get some extra sleep in the mornings. Heather always had the perfect excuse for not showering or putting on make up every morning because she was going straight to gym class where it would all be a wasted effort. However, with Homecoming right around the corner, a lot more girls seemed to be trying, even while playing badminton at seven thirty in the morning.

"Bonnie, how can you stand getting up at five thirty every morning only to know that you'll have to reapply most of your make up after we shower?" Heather grumbled as they hit the annoyingly neon yellow birdie back and forth.

"Well, I just remind myself that that special someone could be right around the corner, even if it's only seven ten in the morning. You know, if you just used a little bit of eye liner…" began Bonnie hopefully. It almost hurt Heather to have to shut her down so quickly.

"Bonnie, the last time I used eyeliner I poked myself in the eye and ruined a pair of contacts. Do you still think that it's a good idea?" asked Heather

"Well, if you didn't have your contacts in, you wouldn't have to worry about ruining them!" Bonnie offered hopefully

Heather had a strange feeling that this was going to end in Bonnie giving her another make over. Not that Bonnie wasn't good with make up, but Heather much preferred her signature "I'm a hipster that just rolled out of bed and hates the world look" to Bonnie's "Future Miss America that just wants world peace and for all of us to love each other because I love you!" look. Besides, she was cynical and sarcastic and what not and hated everything. Especially at seven thirty in the morning.

"Bonnie, I hate to burst your bubble, but I hate my glasses more than anything else, and my horrible near sighted vision makes me feel like I'm under water. It's not going to happen." Heather grumbled, as she prepared to serve.

Bonnie's face, as was expected, lit up like the fourth of July.

"Maybe I could do it for you! Oh, this will be so fun! Your best colors will probably be…" Bonnie began, but Heather was busy shooting casual glances across the room.

Stan and Kyle were partners (as was expected). Stan, being the athletic person that he was, was doing fantastic. His serves landed just right, his backhands actually made it over the net, and he could do it all with a smile on his face. Plus, she could just pretend that she was looking at the clock if anyone asked. Which she might have to do, seeing as Stan had just caught her looking at him and Kyle.

She turned back just in time for Bonnie's serve to hit her on the nose.

Stan, Kyle, Bonnie, Louisa, and Kenny laughed as Heather cussed and rubbed her nose. Bonnie blushed when she saw Kenny laughing at the two of them. Gary came rushing over to make sure that she was okay, as Louisa filled Many and Andy in on what had happened between her giggles.

* * *

><p>Showers after gym class were there to make you even more self conscious than you already were. They weren't communal showers, like the boys probably had, but the curtains were thin and there were only about ten, so there was always a line when you got out which left you with no time to wrap yourself in a towel. Heather almost couldn't wait for swimming because then she would have an excuse to shower in her swim suit and not look like a complete idiot.<p>

Usually, she was one of the first in, but today she had somehow managed to end up in the back of the line with Wendy and Heidi just behind her talking about their dates to Homecoming. It was as if God was trying to make her feel even dorkier than she already was.

"So, then Brandon covered my whole locker in sticky notes! It was the cutest thing ever! But I don't know, I think that Ashton may ask me and I would much rather go with him than with Brandon. I mean Ashton could totally get me into the best after parties…"

_God, shut up, Heidi_, thought Heather. _Some of us would be glad is anyone wanted to go to Homecoming with them. You know what, I hope that Ashton asks you and then dumps pig blood all over you, like in Carrie. And then I can laugh, except I probably won't know until a week later since I'm so out of the loop. _

"Yeah, Stan asked me if I wanted to go, just as friends though, since we're both still single, but…" Wendy trailed off, her voice sounding excited.

"No way! Do you think that you'll get back together?" gasped Heidi

"ssshhhh!" Wendy giggled, grabbing Heidi's arm and looking around the locker room as if someone was actually interested. Except Heather was, but only because she was totally obsessed with Stan.

_STOP IT! You are so stupid, brain!_

_**You're only acting this way because you know it's true…**_

_It is not true! I don't even like him!_

_**So then why did you spend the entire period staring at him? Oh, maybe because you like him!**_

_I do-_

"Um, Heather, the shower on the left is open…" Heidi said from behind Heather

Heather's head snapped back to reality as she turned around to see Heidi staring at her as if lobsters were crawling out of her ears.

"Oh… thanks, Heidi… I'm sorry, I just spaced out there." mumbled Heather, as she grabbed her towel and started off

"Yeah, whatever…" Heidi said, her look of disgust still present

_You know, arguing with yourself is one of the first signs of insanity…_

"Shut up…" Heather muttered, as she flipped the water on.

* * *

><p>She began washing her face and hair as the other showers shut off one by one. Soon the locker room seemed to be empty except for her. Gym always got out early, so she wasn't too worried. Louisa was probably getting to German early to study for the test. Andy was probably stalking Gary or getting coffee. Mandy was probably with her. She'd just head straight to German.<p>

Heather fumbled around her gym locker looking for her missing sock. For some weird reason, she couldn't wear her socks from gym class through the rest of the day. It was just one of those things. Some may have called it a cute quirk; her friends called it an early symptom of OCD.

She probably needed some new friends.

"Wait, so you seriously like _Cartman_? Him of all people?" she heard Heidi practically screeching from the showers.

"Be quiet! And yes, I do! I mean, Stan is sweet, but he's way too safe! Cartman's just… risky, you know? And it's not all fat now. He's really buffed up from Football!" Wendy said in a slightly softer tone

"So why are you going with Stan?" Heidi asked

"Because, Cartman hates Stan and he hates it when the two of us are together," Wendy began, but Heather didn't stick around to hear the rest. She slipped out of the room as quietly as she could, hoping that Wendy and Heidi hadn't noticed her.

* * *

><p>She walked into German about three minutes early and plopped down into her seat next to Louisa. She was listening intently to Christophe's rather crazy story about his mother stabbing him in the chest with an iron. Heather wasn't sure how one could <em>stab<em> themselves with an iron, though she had burned herself with one on more than a few occasions.

"Hey, Louisa," she said, lightly tapping her on the shoulder

Louisa half ways turned her head and made a sound similar to the one that a pillow makes when you sit on it.

It was great to know that she had been successful in her study attempts.

Mandy and Andy walked in.

"Hey, Andy, can I talk to you?" Heather began, but Andy walked right past her, a frown on her face.

"They were all out of espresso…" Mandy whispered, as she sat down behind Tristan.

"Girl, you have got to get your own coffee machine!" he said in his incredibly high pitched and sassy voice

Yeah, she really needed some new friends.

* * *

><p>"Dad, what would you do if I was bi polar?" Heather asked as she cut her green beans into sixteenths and hid them underneath a chicken bone.<p>

Sergeant Milson was about six foot six and two thirty hundred pounds. He had been a Marine in Vietnam and a code breaker in the Gulf Wars. Now, he was the terrorist interrogator down in the Canyon City High Security Prison.

He clearly did not have the time for this bi polar bull shit.

"I'd do what we did with the horses when they broke a leg," he stated with out even looking up from his dinner

"Dad, I'm serious," Heather protested

"And so am I," Sergeant Milson said, as he began to cut into another piece of chicken.

"Yeah, so you just tell me, and I'll be perfectly happy to put you down!" Heather's older brother, Jason, joked from the other side of the table

"Shouldn't you be off at college?" Heather retorted

Jason began to make a retort, but was cut off by Sergeant Milson.

"Now see, that young lady doesn't let a single thing get past her. You, young man, need to get your god damned bull shit together, do you understand? This is inexcusable. All of your siblings moved out the day after the turned eighteen or right after graduation. You were accepted into plenty of great schools all over the place and instead you're sitting at home playing that god dammed Nazi zombie explosion shit all day! This is completely inexcusable. God damnit, Jason, I did not raise a defective son!" Sergeant Milson calmly said from his seat. He didn't look up from his food a single time.

"Yeah, but I'm taking a year off, dad!" Jason whined

"Then get a god dammed job!"

"I think I'll go do my homework now," Heather said, as she picked up her plate and silently slipped her green beans into the trash.

She seemed to be feeling rebellious.

* * *

><p><em>Hast du etwas Zeit für mich<br>Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich  
>Von 99 Luftballons<br>Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont  
>Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich<br>Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich  
>Von 99 Luftballons<br>Und dass so was von so was kommt_

Heather groaned as she blinked open her eyes. That wasn't her alarm clock. It must be her cell phone.

She reached into her drawer.

**Call From**: _Mandy :)_

"Hallo?" Heather slurred groggily

"Um, did you just say 'Hallo'? sounds like someone was studying a little too late," Mandy sang while Heather wondered how anyone could be so happy at… oh no! 9:30 in the morning!

"Oh my god! I slept in and no one woke me up! I have to get to school now! I can't believe it, I'm going to be in so much trouble. I've missed almost three classes now!" Heather was panicking as she ran around her room searching for her clothes.

"Um, we have a snow day, sweetheart. Your dad must have shut off your alarm for you." Mandy explained

"What? We actually have a snow day? In _September_?" Heather exclaimed, as she walked towards her window in an effort to see exactly how much snow was necessary for school to be canceled this early in the year.

"Yeah, it snowed almost two feet last night and it's not supposed to let up anytime soon. They can't start the buses either, because they usually don't put the covers on the engines until October," Mandy said as Heather opened her curtains.

She couldn't even see across the street. No wonder they cancelled school; this was pretty nasty.

"So, snowball fight at the park or sledding at Phil Collins hill?"

"Sledding for sure! We're meeting in a half hour, then going to Tweek's for coffee and after that watching Team America," Mandy informed Heather, "you'd better bring your toboggan and maybe even Jason. See you then!"

Heather barely registered what Mandy was saying. Shoveling her drive way was a boy her age wearing a blue and red hat and a brown jacket. Another boy with an orange ski coat and green ushanka was helping him. Stan looked up at her window, smiled, nudged Kyle, and said something to him. Kyle looked up to, and she blushed.

_Maybe there was some hope…_

_**Yeah, right. Just get a cat already!**_

* * *

><p><strong>So, the song is 99 luftballons by Nena. Team America is another Parker Stone movie and is posted on YouTube.**

**To the OCs that are still waiting around in the bowels of Microsoft Word and Fan Fiction: as the plot picks up, OCs will make more appearances and their story lines will become much more important. I promise! **

**So, a question for those of you with an accepted OC… how would they react to suddenly becoming popular? Would they roll with it, not notice any changes, or just be kind of confused? Would they be willing to take AP Lit senior year and suffer through AP exams instead of getting "Senioritis" like any normal human beings? Let me know in a fabulous… REVIEW! **


	4. Awkward

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I have officially been spending way too much time on Facebook because I spent almost ten minutes looking for the "Like" button when I saw all of your fantastic reviews and compliments. **

**This chapter focuses mostly on Kyle because guess what? There are canon characters in this too! Yay! **

**BTW is anyone else super obsessed with "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"? Because I think I have some sort of really bad addiction to it. But at least I'm not technically a "Bronie" (though my brothers have taken to calling me their "Branie").**

**You know what, enough about my weird life, on with the story! Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Awkward<strong>

Whoever decided that the standard should be for boys to ask girls to Homecoming was an idiot. First of all, girls knew exactly who they wanted to go with before most guys knew that there was going to be a dance again. Then they followed you around and tried to catch your attention or tried to make you jealous by flirting with other guys even when you (very clearly) had no idea what they were trying to accomplish and then when you finally asked one, her friends would have to interrogate you and shit and then she would try to play hard to get for some reason.

Kyle really just couldn't win.

It was hard, you know, being the super best friend of one half of the most tumultuous couple in the school and (quite possibly) all of town. He either had to support Stan whenever Wendy dumped him or he had to sit back and be the third wheel while they were all in love and shit. That's where Kenny came into the picture.

Back in eighth grade, Kenny had said something (he could never remember exactly what it was) about Wendy being a bitch or whore or something along those lines. Stan had said that Kenny was as bad as Cartman and it had just run from there. They were still friends and all, but things had never been the same between Stan and Kenny. Kyle had just been glad not to have been involved because he knew that he would have had to side with Kenny on the issue of Wendy.

It really sucked being friends with both of them at the moment, because their main source of tension was back in their lives. That's right ladies and gentlemen, Stan had asked Wendy- his ex girlfriend- to be his date to homecoming.

It was at times like this that Kyle almost missed the annoying presence of Cartman's fat ass.

"Seriously, Stan, why the hell are you going with Wendy? There are plenty of other girls out there- and with better asses too- that aren't completely psychotic," Kenny was telling Stan as the three friends walked into the jam packed cafeteria.

"Yeah, but I just so happen too really like Wendy, Kenny, and besides, she is not psychotic," Stan defended loyally, "Right Kyle?"

He just had to ask, didn't he? Kyle frantically probed the deepest, darkest recesses of his brain; searching desperately for a reasonably neutral answer even though he disliked Wendy almost as much as Kenny did.

"Umm, she's not exactly psychotic, like Kenny said, but it's still a little weird that you are going to be going with your ex girlfriend, Stan," Kyle stated, awkwardly looking from friend to friend. Kenny's face fell a little bit. He had obviously been counting on some support from Kyle. Stan, on the other hand, looked satisfied enough for the time being.

"Yeah, but I'm thinking about getting back together with her. Now that we're both seniors, I really think that we could make this work. We are way more mature than we were the last time that we were together," Stan declared confidently.

"Stan the last time that the two of you broke up was last spring. I have this strange feeling that it hasn't given either of you very much time to grow," Kyle stated simply, hoping that Stan would get his point instead of forcing one of them to explain it.

"No, I think we can make it this time. Actually, I'm sure. I really am." And with that, Stan walked off to claim their table near the center of the cafeteria, underneath the largest and brightest of the many fluorescent light bulbs.

Kenny gave Kyle a nasty glare as Stan left the two of them standing near the edge of the tables.

"Look, I did my best," Kyle muttered, as he followed Stan through the crowd, with Kenny trailing behind.

"You know what, speaking of Homecoming, who are you planning on asking?" Stan inquired

Kyle glanced nervously at Kenny, hoping that he looked as surprised as he felt. There was no such luck. Kenny merely looked a bit thoughtful; almost as if the very idea of going to Homecoming had never occurred to him.

"Well, I'll probably end up taking a cheerleader. I was actually thinking about asking that blonde one that isn't Bebe," Kenny said thoughtfully as he gazed over at the table occupied by the Park County High School cheer squad.

"Not that I would mind it, but 'blonde' only narrows it down to about four girls, you know," Clyde mentioned as he placed his tray on the table and sat down across from Kyle.

Kenny rolled his eyes and responded with the rather predictable, "So who exactly were you planning to ask Clyde? And don't say Bebe, because she might castrate you after what happened at Junior Prom," Kenny teased, hitting below the belt.

Kyle snickered a bit as Clyde shot both him and Kenny nasty glares. Bebe still hadn't gotten over the whole Santana/ Clyde love triangle, BFF love, or whatever you wanted to call it, scandal that had finally… "Come to light", so to speak, at last year's Junior Prom. The counselors were still working with some of the affected students, it was rumored.

"I didn't quite catch who you were going to ask, Kyle," Clyde snapped rather defensively.

Kyle just shrugged nonchalantly. He hadn't really given much thought to it. Besides, not many girls would even want to go with him, seeing as he was just the overly nerdy super best friend of the star quarterback and the owner of Kenny McCormick's (aka, the hottest poor kid at school, in most girls' opinions) shower and bathroom. Maybe he could just go to Temple all day, or something along those lines.

"Hey, I think that Heather Milson likes you. Maybe you should ask her!" Stan suggested enthusiastically.

"Who the hell is Heather Milson?" Asked Clyde, his mouth full of food.

Kyle sighed. There couldn't possibly be a kind way to explain to Stan that his rather stupid, though well intended, suggestion was just a bad idea in general. For one, Clyde and Kenny didn't seem to know who she was and the only reason Token might have any idea was because they were all in the only AP English Literature class offered at the school.

"She's my neighbor. I give her a ride to school every morning," Stan said. "She does a lot of the theater stuff, like making costumes I think, because she's always asking my mom if she can teach her how to sew. Look, that's her, with the brown hair and…"

"Super dorky looking glasses," Kenny chuckled. It was really giggling, but chuckling sounded a bit manlier, and manly was practically all that Kenny had.

"Look, I'm not really sure about this, you guys…" Kyle trailed off, trying to avoid the awkward subject and to cover up the noticeably red tinge that was appearing on his face. Of course, every single person at the table managed to notice.

"Come on, Kyle. She's not too bad looking, and if she actually worked on her hair a bit—"

"And got some contacts!" Kenny chimed in.

"Yeah, and if she also got herself a pair of contacts, even i might consider asking her to Homecoming," Token stated, "Besides, she is really nice so even if she didn't want to go with you, she'd probably still say yes."

_Thank you, Token_, Kyle thought sarcastically. _That's just what I wanted to hear. "Even if she doesn't want to, she'll probably still say yes?" that's exactly what you say to a friend without a date and that's never had a real girlfriend._

"Yeah, but her whole life is making costumes for the school play," Clyde protested.

"Well, luckily for you, you already have a date, Clyde. I really think that you should ask her, Kyle. She's really nice and I think that she likes you. Just talk to her after English, or something. You have that with her, right?" Stan suggested.

"Yeah, I guess…" Kyle mumbled, knowing that there was really no way out of this now except to just ask Heather and pray to God that she would say no.

* * *

><p>It wasn't that Kyle particularly disliked Heather. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She was a great friend and never complained about having to actually do work during a group project. Usually she was just glad that she wasn't the one saddled with all of it. The reason he didn't want to ask her was because it was pretty obvious that she had a huge crush on Stan. She was constantly staring at him in gym and Kyle really just wasn't looking to have a repeat of last year's winter formal. His date had spent the entire first half of the night asking where Kenny was and the rest trying to hit on Stan. F U N.<p>

However, there was only a little over two weeks left until Homecoming and most other girls had dates. All the ones that were "Holding Out" were way out his league. And that left Heather. If it wasn't for his closeness to both Stan and Kenny, he'd probably be sitting in Louisa's basement watching 30 Rock, a wide variety of black comedies, and SNL every Friday and Saturday night too. **(A/N: Black Comedies are dark comedies, like ****Little Miss Sunshine****, not Madea and other Tyler Perry productions). **

If he really was going to try and break up Stan and Wendy, he might as well start making friends in his new social caste.

He sighed and finally walked up to her.

"Hey, Heather," he began, but stopped as he noticed two things. First of all, her fly was down. And no, it wasn't for that creepily perverted reason you are thinking of. He had been staring at his feet, trying to get struck by lightning or abducted by aliens. The second thing was that she had what looked like chocolate frosting smeared across her face. This was good, because Bebe had tossed him a box of chocolates she'd been given and apparently didn't want and it was now established that Heather did, in fact, eat her feelings.

"Yeah…" Heather mumbled, small bit of what looked like chocolate cake pooping out of her mouth, "Mooops!" she said as she caught sight of them.

"I'll wait for you to swallow," Kyle said. This was going fan- freaking- tastic. First he catches her as she's coming out of the bathroom, now she's got cake in her mouth. If god was trying to tell him something, he was doing a pretty good job. Too bad listening was not an option.

"Okay, what? And if this is about the Physics homework, I wasn't really paying attention-" Heather began, obviously loosing track of things.

"Just- just be quiet, Heather!" Kyle snapped, not wanting to listen to the day dream she had in Physics.

"Okay, what is it then?" she asked, not seeming to be too offended.

"Um… look, I know we're not really good friends or anything, but…" he stuck out the box of chocolates where Kenny had added the word "HOMECOMING?" in large, green sticky note letters. He noticed that the "M" and the "E" had fallen off in his backpack.

"Is that supposed to say "HOMECOMING" on it?" Heather asked, peering at the box with mild interest.

Kyle awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Yeah," he mumbled, looking at the ceiling.

"If I say no, can I still eat the chocolates?" Heather asked, completely serious.

"Look, everyone else in the group I'm going with has a date, and you're pretty nice and shit like that. And I don't want to have to listen to Stan and Wendy be all gooey eyed and shit so I figured that you and I could go and at least have AP Lit to talk about," Kyle muttered.

"You're not going to douse me in pig blood, are you?" Heather said, suspiciously backing away.

"No, we're- wait, does that mean yes?" Kyle asked, hopeful and ecstatic all of a sudden.

"Um, well, if you're not going to make a fool out of me, then I guess it is a yes," Heather said, involuntarily blushing. Getting asked out (even if you didn't have a crush on the guy) was quite flattering, especially to Heather. Kyle felt equally happy and flattered that a girl had accepted his invitation too.

"So, um… I'll text you the details. Wendy's planning… What?" Kyle asked. Heather's eyes had grown upset at the mention of Wendy.

"Um, please, oh please promise that you won't tell anyone!" she hissed frantically.

Kyle nodded. Maybe he would finally have the fire power he needed against Wendy.

* * *

><p>"Don't you think it would be easier to just tell him the truth, Kyle?" Heather asked, sitting on the bottom bunk of her ancient bed. Kyle remembered the Halloween that Jason had locked them in the room and told them that if they didn't climb out the window, an evil troll would come eat them. Heather had walked in and Cartman had broken her arm trying to get out of there. God, he was such a stupid fat ass.<p>

"Yeah, but Kenny and I have already tried that and it hasn't worked. If it had, Wendy would have never come back into the picture Freshman year," Kyle explained.

"Hey, Heather, do you think that I should shave all of this back hair?" Jason asked, walking into the room, his back facing them.

Kyle and Heather both gagged.

"Oh, God, Jason! Please, just put a shirt on!" Heather begged.

"All you had to do was say yes or no!" Jason muttered as he walked back out of the room, not seeming to notice Kyle.

"Shouldn't he be at college or something?" Kyle asked as Heather shrugged.

"He said something about being a video gamer trapped inside of a lawyer's body," She said. "But seriously, are you sure your plan will work?" she asked.

"I'm positive, Heather. All we have to do is just be a little bit annoying, and trust me- she'll snap like a piece of string." Kyle said confidently.

Heather was about to answer when she heard the sound of stomping feet. The door swung open.

"Hi- hi dad!" Heather squeaked.

Kyle didn't need to be told that now was a perfect time to pretend that he was gay.

"Hi, sir. My name is Kyle Brofloski and I was just-"

"I know who the hell you are, but what I would really appreciate knowing is why Jason told me you two were "making out" in here?" Sergeant Milson said; his voice still incredibly calm despite his face's strong resemblance to a beet.

"Um, he did come up and ask us to shave his back, if that's what you mean, daddy," Heather said, obviously attempting to "Cutie Pie" her way out of the situation.

"That god dammed, lazy ass kid," Sergeant Milson muttered, as he left the room.

"Would now be a good time to leave?" Kyle asked.

"I'd wait until he starts shouting at Jason for being a dumbass," Heather suggested.

"Speak of the devil," Kyle chuckled, as he heard Sergeant Milson shouting at Jason downstairs. "And look, you're a really great girl, Heather. I'm sure that one day Stan will come to his senses and see what's right in front of him," Kyle said with a grin as he left Heather's room.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm not particularly happy with the end of this chapter, but I wanted Jason to just be stupid for a bit. I think it's because I'm so annoyed with one of my brothers, but in case you're wondering, yes, Jason actually does play a part in the story. Mostly it involved being stupid, but hey, that's what he's good at.<strong>

**I really wanted to put in some sort of Matrix reference, because of the season opener (though, I guess it's still the same season).**

**Anyways, review please! I *heart* them!**


	5. Dates

**Filler chapter alert. I'm sorry, I really am. This had to be split up into two chapters because it just ended up being so long. **

**But look on the bright side! I actually found the time to write this! The activities director at my school is officially the stupidest person ever. He had the PSAT Saturday morning from 7:40- 11:00, the Homecoming carnival/ parade from 12:00- 2:00, the football game from 2:00- 5:00, the dance from 7:00- 12:00, and the college fair went from 11 that morning until 3 in the afternoon. So I got to go take the PSAT then go to the college fair for an hour, then walk in the parade for GHS, the go back to the college fair for a half an hour before the game started (thankfully we left after halftime), and then go get ready with my friends. That was the longest day of my life.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dates<strong>

"So, I heard from a little birdie that not one, but two of our friends are going with a different group this year," was Louisa's opener the next Monday morning. Heather turned red as she saw Bonnie nodding ecstatically and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Yes! Kenny asked me Saturday after the football game!" Bonnie squealed, then her smile faltered a bit, "Wait, who else is going with Kenny's homecoming group?"

"The English moors are often covered with this plant…" Louisa began. Heather's ears became redder.

"If she and date had children…" Mandy started.

"Okay, fine! Kyle asked me on Friday after English and I said yes, but I don't really like him like that, but he looked so hopeful that I just couldn't say no!" Heather lied, trying to sound convincing. It was true, Stan was much more her type, but at least _someone_ had asked her.

"So you're seriously going with Kyle?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah, and I am so sorry that I won't be going with you guys-" Heather began, but Taylor cut her off, her face a nasty glare.

"Don't you think it's a little cruel to lead a guy on like that?" she challenged.

Heather was taken aback. She wasn't expecting this. She had been expecting excitement that someone, and someone that was almost- quasi _popular_, had asked her to Homecoming. She hadn't expected for none of her friends to come to her defense.

"Taylor does have a point. It's not really cool to just go with him because he's popular, Heather," Mandy muttered

"I think what Heather was really trying to say was that they were just going as friends because that's all she likes Kyle as," Bonnie offered.

"Look, I just don't think it's nice to do that," Taylor said. She turned and walked away. Mandy followed her. Louisa stayed for a second.

"After this whole thing is over with, we can talk it out. For now I'd suggest that you make friends with someone other than Bonnie in your group," Louisa said.

"Thanks for kind of understanding, Louisa," Heather said with a small smile. "Hey, do you know where Andy is?"

"She said something about Mormon school," Louisa said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, and good luck with Christophe," Heather said as Louisa blushed a bit.

"Good luck with Kyle, Cartman, and Wendy. No offense, but that's too much Type A personality for me," Louisa said as she walked away to catch up with Mandy and Taylor.

"Well, at least we have each other, Kyle, and Kenny!" Bonnie offered,

"Wait a second, Bonnie, _Kenny_ asked you? Kenny _McCormick_?" Heather asked, astounded and slightly disgusted by the blonde boy. By God, if he was here to just take advantage of Bonnie, who still believed in love at first sight, she would… well, first she'd castrate him and then she'd kill him.

"Yeah, it's soooooo romantic!" Bonnie swooned. Heather almost barfed from all of the cutesiness.

"Please excuse me, Bonnie. I have some business to attend to," Heather muttered as she caught sight of Kenny and a pissed off looking Bebe leaving the girl's bathroom. Bonnie was still occupied telling the spot that Heather had just been standing in all about her date.

As Heather got a bit closer, she managed to catch a few pieces of their conversation.

"Look, McCormick, I don't fucking care, do you understand? If you ever even consider hurting her or taking advantage of her- Hell, if you even lay a finger on her- I will personally castrate and then kill you, do you understand?" Bebe hissed at Kenny, barely an inch away from his face.

"Kenny, make that both of us, okay?" Heather piped up from her spot behind Bebe, who was nodding with a ferocity that reminded Heather of those mother bears on Animal Kingdom that always tried to kill the camera man.

"Yeah, threesomes are more my style," Kenny said jokingly.

Heather crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow (the only useful thing she had ever managed to learn from Jason). Bebe just looked even more pissed off.

"I- I was joking, you guys…" he offered, a weak smile on his face.

"I didn't really find it too funny," Bebe snarled as she released Kenny's shirt collar from her long, red, perfectly manicured finger nails.

"I'll- I'll just be going now…" he said, as he caught sight of Bonnie looking curiously at the group. Her smile grew to a gigantic, and almost frightening, size as he approached her.

"God, he is such a fucking dumbass…" Bebe muttered, "I just hope Bonnie knows what she's getting herself into."

"She doesn't. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks a blow job has to do with yard work," Heather remarked sarcastically.

Bebe giggled a bit.

"Hey, are you the girl Kyle's going with?" she asked. Heather turned a bright shade of red at this. Her new identity seemed to be Kyle's date. Although it was probably better than being a nobody. At least, she hoped it would be.

"Yeah, he asked me on Friday afternoon," Heather mumbled

Bebe gave a small, stifled giggle, "It is so like that boy to wait until the very last minute to ask someone. Don't worry, though, everyone will totally be cool with you coming last minute. Cartman tagging along… well, let's just say that if he ended up getting hit by a bus while walking across the parking lot, it would not be the worst thing that could happen." Bebe gave a small shudder as Heather's mouth dropped open.

"Wait, Cartman's coming in the group? _Cartman_? Who the hell thought that we all would like to sit through dinner with him?" Heather asked, disgust plain on her face.

"You mean your dinner. Wendy thought that it would be nice if all the boys went out to dinner together with their dates. Something about remembering and reliving the good old days," Bebe said, rolling her eyes at Wendy's crazy antics.

Heather suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She knew why Wendy had invited Cartman along with their group. It was to make him jealous of herself and Stan's newly rekindled romance. God, she just wished that she had never ever overheard Wendy and Heidi's conversation.

"Hey, Bebe, do you still hang out with Wendy like you did elementary school?" Heather asked. She really needed someone to confide in, and her friends didn't seem like they were going to be much help at the moment.

"No, all of her Stan versus Cartman drama really put a damper on our friendship," Bebe mentioned casually. Then she thought about what she had just said. "I mean Stan drama. She never had a thing for Cartman, what was I saying?"

It was like Bebe was trying to convince Heather that the sky was purple.

"Bebe, I know! I overheard Wendy and Heidi talking about—" but before Heather could finish, Bebe had grabbed Heather's arm and drug her into the boy's bathroom.

Gregory gave a bit of a yelp, zipped up his pants, and scurried out, probably to tell a teacher.

"Bebe, why are we in here? I'll get in so much trouble! My dad will kill me if he ever finds out about—" Heather began, her eyes wide with anxiety.

"Shut up. Did Wendy ask Stan just to make Cartman jealous?" Bebe demanded.

Heather nodded. "Kyle and I already have a bit of a plan laid out on how to try and expose her to Stan."

"Try? Oh, we are not just going to try, we are going to do this. He will see her for the two faced, scum bag, little slutty whore she really is if it is the last thing we do!" Bebe muttered meticulously under her breath. She reminded Heather of a nutcase.

"Yeah, that's great, but the bell will—"

"Jesus Christ, lighten up! Come on, I need some coffee, and I have this hour off!" Bebe said, grabbing Heather's arm yet again, only to pull her out of the boy's bathroom this time.

"Yeah, but I have gym!"

"So what? Gym's the easiest class ever. Let's go, I'll drive," Bebe said, as she marched with Heather towards the doors that led to the parking lot.

"Okay, fine, but why are we ditching?" Heather muttered.

"So that I can come up with the perfect plan to expose Wendy and to make you the hottest girl at the dance. We'll just try the whole 'whip off the glasses' trick!" Bebe said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, but last time I did that I poked myself in the eye," Heather said

"Fine, I'll also be forcing you to set me up with your older brother. He's smoking!" Bebe said dreamily.

Heather wanted to barf so badly at the very idea that her brother could be anything but disgusting, but figured that it wasn't a great thing to do that to her new "BFF" quite yet. Especially if said new BFF might get Stan to notice her.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry for having a bit of a filler chapter. I've been super busy, and though next week is my fall break (thank GOD!), I won't be able to update next weekend unless a miracle occurs. Sorry! Please don't hate me!<strong>

**Even though it was short and pretty uneventful, I'd still appreciate some reviews!**


End file.
